A Bug's Life (is very short in our house)

I feel as if I haven't given you a real idea of just how many bugs there are. Here are a few stories to help you:

Flat Spiders: Flat spiders are tricksters. They are these arachnids that grow a legspan of up to the size of your palm. They live above our ceiling and journey into our house through the cracks at any given time. When we first saw one above our front door, we were all convinced that it was smushed. Jackie was the only one who wasn't fooled and her inkling proved true when the spider was gone the next day. Our naming scheme for flat spiders is 'Carlos' followed by the number of legs it has left. We've eliminated many Carli 8 and Carli 6. The only Carlos with immunity was the late Carlos 5. Carlos 5 was Esther and Nat's pet that enjoyed scurrying from their room to Sylvia and Jackie's. He was unfortunately (yeah right) killed during one of our evening massacres.

Big Poppa: A giant, hideous, hairy spider that lives above Sylvia's bed. We've only seen him a few times and only a couple of his legs, at that. We're certain that he's gigantic and I've attempted to poison him twice. He remains at large.

Harry: Susie and Rachel's pet. I don't know much except he's wanted dead in their house.

The bathroom: Our bathrooms are usually safe havens from the insect onslaught; however, Esther discovered that this isn't always the case. Last night, she went for a shower (in a clean room) and emerged only to see a walking wall of insects. The room was promptly fumigated.

Night bugs: When night bugs arrive, we are generally okay with a few of them. They fly in through impossibly small holes and cracks and orbit the light bulbs. We then turn in for bed, pass a few hours, and then wake up to find small cemetaries beneath light fixtures. Yesterday was another unfortunate aberration from the norm. Several of our defenses fell at the same moment and our house was immediately filled with all sorts of hideous creatures.

Defenses: After seeing other houses putting up mosquito nets on their windows, we attempted this as well. Using duct tape and medical tape, we sparingly adhered them around our windows. The results were amazing and our evening bug load dropped dramatically. This meant that the windows could be wide open all night and we could enjoy sleep without the suffocating heat. Well, this is no longer an option. The defenses that I previously spoke of that fell were our windows. Heavy with bugs, the nets began to fall and insects poured out everywhere. The result is my window losing its net and I plan on duct taping it closed today. Sanity takes preference over comfort at this moment.